


Portraits of a Disastrous Bisexual

by ruff_ethereal



Series: Saga of a Disastrous Bisexual [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, And a huge crush on her Professor Byleth, Edelgard is a disastrous bisexual, F/F, Humor, One-Sided Attraction, Pre-Relationship, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Teacher-Student Relationship, With a dark and embarassing secret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 08:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20485565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: During an art class with Professor Byleth, Edelgard has to make a portrait of her teacher, getsverydistracted by her appearance, and ends up making something she comes to regret.





	Portraits of a Disastrous Bisexual

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Garreg Mach Gay Girls Discord](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20323432) by [Varewulf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varewulf/pseuds/Varewulf). 

> This is a Modern AU that takes place before widespread consumer cellphones and networks, and the internet. People still have to call a house's one landline phone, and hope whoever they want to reach is there.
> 
> I also am worried I'll disappoint those who expect similar quality to my debut FE3H work, "The Forgotten Brigid Fishing Technique." But, I suppose every story is like lightning in a bottle.
> 
> Alongside the above fic, this was also inspired by the infamous portrait scene post-timeskip.

Oh.

Oh no.

Oh _G__oddess _no.

“How…?” Edelgard thought as she gawked, horrified at what her “muse” had helped create. “The Professor doesn’t look _anything _like this! When did I add so many flowers and sparkles? And why did I draw her winking?!”

“Is everything alright, Edelgard?” Byleth asked, her voice and face as expressive as always.

Edelgard ripped the portrait off her sketchbook, and crumpled it up into a tiny ball. “No, afraid not, Professor!” she said, trying to keep her voice calm. “My latest work did not live up to my high standards, so I decided it would be best to simply try again from scratch.”

“Was it really necessary to destroy it like that, though?” Byleth asked as Edelgard stuffed the ball _deep _into her bag.

“Yes.” Edelgard replied. “You know me, Professor: perfection, or nothing at all!” she finished, before she picked up one of her pencils again.

Byleth glanced at her watch. “I suppose you do still have half an hour,” she said, before returning to drawing her own portrait of Edelgard.

Edelgard nodded, before she took deep, calming breaths, then gazed at the fresh page before her, working out her new strategy for drawing Byleth. “Obviously, letting my muse run wild was a _terrible _decision,” she thought. “I will have to be _very _deliberate and technical this time—no more creative interpretation or artistic license, this will be as accurate of a recreation of Byleth as I can make given the circumstances and time constraints.”

So she began with drawing shapes and lines, making a rough outline of Byleth’s face, before Edelgard switched to a slightly darker pencil and began to study Byleth’s features, take in as much detail as possible, and figure out how best to recreate it on the page.

Edelgard gazed at the intense blue of Byleth’s irises; the sharp, elegant curve of her eyes; her finely shaped eyebrows. Edelgard looked at Byleth’s mouth, set into a hard, nearly expressionless line as usual, barely moving at all except for light quirks up or slight curves down that lasted for all of a second or two. Edelgard admired Byleth’s long blue hair, the way they flowed down her head and around shoulders, the luster and vigour they had in spite of the constant, brutal exposure to the sun and the elements they experienced on a regular basis—

“Fifteen minutes left, everyone.” Byleth called out.

\--And then Edelgard snapped out of her observing, glanced at her sketchbook—virtually untouched since she drew the outlines—then at her watch—_little _less than fifteen minutes till the end of the class, actually.

Outwardly, Edelgard looked calm and collected as ever, but inside, she was panicking, and panicking _badly. _It didn’t matter that Byleth was _extremely _generous with what counted as acceptable outputs for art class—for the sake of Edelgard’s reputation, and for her pride in general, she could not submit this, this… this_ template_ for a portrait.

But there was no time to fill in the details, at an acceptable quality—not without having to cut out entire parts, make it look like Edelgard had made the rookie mistake of focusing on a single part before she even had a complete sketch of Byleth’s face.

“I have no choice,” Edelgard said as she flipped to yet another fresh page. “I will have to get creative—a style that I am familiar enough to produce something halfway decent, and _quickly. _But what…?” Her fingers tightened around her pencil. “Oh, _damn it all, _I don’t have time for this!”

With a scowl, Edelgard quickly set to work a third and final time, hoping that muscle memory and her muse would pull through, most of her attention focused on what was still missing from the portrait than what she had already drawn.

“Time’s up!” Byleth called out.

Out of habit, Edelgard neatly ripped off the page from her sketchbook and handed it to Byleth. With incredible grace and speed, the portrait was inserted into an opaque envelope before she, Edelgard, or anyone else from the class could get a good look at it. Edelgard watched as Byleth roamed around the class and collected the rest of the portraits, a feeling of dread slowly but gradually building in the pit of her gut.

“Just _what _did I draw…?” Edelgard thought.

“Alright, that’s it for today,” Byleth said as she made her way back to her desk, sealing the envelope as she did. “As usual, if any of you want feedback before our next meeting, you may see me later in my office.”

Edelgard retained her stately aura as she exited the classroom, even as the dread now spread throughout her whole body, threatened to make her collapse from the sheer weight of it. Hubert noticed, kept quiet as he discretely guided her into an empty hall. When they were sure no other students were around, Edelgard pressed her back against a row of lockers, dropping her mask and revealing the growing horror beneath.

“Are you alright, Edelgard…?” Hubert asked.

“No, no I am not, Hubert!” Edelgard said, a light tremble in her voice. “Please, tell Dimitri he will have to cover for my duties this afternoon, I have a… matter I must speak to Professor Byleth about.”

Hubert nodded. “I will make sure he is informed. Do you wish me to join you afterwards, Edelgard?”

“No, please don’t, Hubert,” Edelgard said, shaking her head. “This is a matter that I wish to—that I _have __to _tackle alone.”

Hubert frowned, but nodded. “If you say so, Edelgard. Good luck.”

“Thank you, Hubert,” Edelgard said. Hubert left, she continued to stand there, regaining her composure, planning out her next moves, before she headed off for the Professors’ offices with renewed determination.

* * *

Byleth’s office was about as plain and unremarkable as it could get.

For the few times Edelgard or anyone had ever found need to go there, they noted that she was still using the furniture that it had come with, and hadn’t changed their arrangement in the slightest; had also not changed the wallpaper, the carpets, or the drapes; and didn’t have much in the way of personal effects, except for a picture of herself and her father on her desk, and a growing collection of all the nick-knacks and gifts she was receiving from staff and students alike.

However, as a testament to her intimidating presence, and the sizable reputation she had quickly created for herself, it always seemed like there was a powerful aura surrounding the room, present even without their occupant, and almost unbearably strong when she was.

And as Edelgard hesitated to knock, as if some invisible force was standing in front of the doors like a titanic, grim-faced bouncer, she was quite sure Byleth was in.

She remained outside, wondering if she should have gone to her office in the first place. All her responsibilities and future plans demanded so much time and energy, was talking to Byleth about a silly portrait really that important? Was it so vital that Edelgard learn what she had drawn in her state of distraction and distress, what Byleth thought of it, and how that might affect their relationship, if it did at all…?

Then the door opened, there was Byleth, and it took Edelgard all she had not to shriek in surprise. “Hello, Edelgard.” Byleth said.

Edelgard quickly composed herself. “Hello, Professor Byleth; were you aware that I was coming…?” she asked, slightly uneasy.

“Not you specifically, but I heard someone walking out in the hall before stopping.” Byleth explained.

“And you were _sure _that I was on my way to _your _office from the sound alone?”

Byleth nodded. “No one ever passes this hall on their way to somewhere else, it’s always to my office. Now, I’m assuming you want to come in to discuss something?”

“I, ah, um, yes—yes, yes I did, actually, Professor.” Edelgard said, nodding back. “I mean, unless you’re busy with more important matters…?”

“I’m not.” Byleth replied, before she stepped aside and gestured in.

Edelgard did. She glanced at her desk, gulped as she noticed the portraits from art class on her desk, neatly stacked and weighted down. “Would you mind if I take a seat now, Professor?” she asked, feeling her legs quake slightly.

“Go ahead, Edelgard.” Byleth replied as she shut the door behind her, and calmly strode back to her desk.

Edelgard tried to discretely check the portraits; to her dismay, the topmost one was Caspar’s, if the clumsy, uneven strokes and the heavy, overly dark lines were anything to go by.

“So what is it that you wished to talk about?” Byleth asked as she sat down in her chair.

Edelgard snapped her face to her and said, “Our art class earlier, Professor. Specifically, I would like to ask for feedback about the portrait I’d made of you.”

Byleth nodded as she reached for the stack of papers, and calmly shuffled through them.

Edelgard felt her heart beginning to beat faster, sweat forming on her palms as she listened to the sound of rustling papers, saw Byleth’s expression as unreadable as ever.

Was her famously stony face going to crack when she saw Edelgard’s portrait again? Would she have some choice words for her as she showed it off? Just _what _was going to happen? Edelgard could not even _begin _to predict, and that alone was driving her _mad__._

“Here you go,” Byleth said as she handed over Edelgard’s portrait of her.

“Thank you, Professor,” Edelgard said, her hands trembling slightly as she took it. She silently took a deep breath and let it go, before she looked down at her work, finally saw in full detail what she had drawn:

A heavily stylized portrait of Byleth, unmistakably her, and also unmistakably in the art style of a show Edelgard used to love to _unhealthy _degrees…

“It’s good, though I was quite surprised to see myself looking like someone from A.L.I.A.S.”

… That Byleth _also_ happened to know about.

Edelgard felt her whole face heat up, a piece of her instantly shrivel up and die, and unfortunately, nothing that remotely felt like the earth giving way beneath her and swallowing her whole.

“Can I please have it back, Edelgard?” Byleth asked. “It needs to be part of your portfolio for you to pass art class.”

Edelgard’s eyes shot back to the portrait. “What if my portfolio is put on display during the end-of-year celebrations, because of all my other, better works?” she thought. “What if _everyone _is free browse it, page through my still lifes, my landscapes, and then see _this?!”_

“Edelgard?” Byleth asked. “The portrait, please?”

Hands violently shaking now, Edelgard looked up at Byleth; her voice barely a whisper, she said, “I’m so _very _sorry, Professor, but I cannot give this back to you.”

Byleth didn’t even blink. “You won’t be able to pass art class without an output for each of the mandatory lessons, not to mention the mark on your otherwise flawless record.”

“Please, I’ll just make a replacement portrait, Professor!” Edelgard whimpered, desperate now. “I’ll do other extra credit beside! Just, whatever you do, whatever you ask of me—_don’t _let this become part of my portfolio!”

Byleth quirked an eyebrow. “Any particular reason you’re so emotional over this…?”

“Professor.” Edelgard said, fighting back tears. “My adolescent years were a… _tumultuous, _emotional, and _regretful_ period of my life. I have spent a great deal of time, effort, and stress erasing and burying deep the worst of it, and I fear that if they ever see the light of day again, it will utterly _destroy _the new, better life I’ve made for myself, or cause it serious, permanent harm of which I will never, _ever _recover from.

Her voice was cracking now. “So please, Professor Byleth, _I beg of you: _let us consign this _accursed _art to the flames, and both our memories of its existence to the void!”

For what seemed like an eternity, silence reigned in Byleth’s office, only broken by Edelgard’s sniffling as struggled not to completely, utterly _break down. _Teardrops were starting to stain the paper, her fingers were crumpling it from how tightly she held it, it felt like shadowy claws were clutching tight onto her lungs, making it nearly impossible to breath.

“Why did you even bother to ask such a selfish, outrageous request, Edelgard?” Edelgard asked herself. “You let control slip from you once, and _this _is what happens—_now accept the consequences.”_

“Are your weekends free, Edelgard?” Byleth asked.

Edelgard blinked. Out of habit, she replied, “They can be made to be.”

“This Saturday afternoon, then, 2 PM, at the lake, bring your sketchbook and at least one pencil.” Byleth said as she pulled something out from under her desk—a paper shredder, Edelgard realized. “You are going to make a new portrait of myself, _still _under time pressure, and I am going to make one of you in turn afterward, for at least an hour.”

Edelgard was nodding along, before Byleth’s last few words gave her pause. “Er, may I ask why, Professor?”

“I wasn’t able to draw you very well earlier, Edelgard.” Byleth explained. “Your expression kept changing, it was like trying to draw a rough animation reel than a portrait.”

“Oh. Oh. Okay, I promise, Professor, I’ll _absolutely _make sure to be a proper model this time!” Edelgard said, nodding vigorously.

“Then the original portrait, please?” Byleth asked, holding out her hand.

Edelgard slowly, carefully handed it back, then watched as Byleth fed it to the shredder. As it was the same model that Professor Hanneman used, it was all but guaranteed that no one would have the time nor the patience to even _attempt _to piece the portrait back together, if it could even be reconstructed at all.

As the machine stopped whirring and Byleth put it back underneath her desk, Edelgard took her first proper breath in _far _too long. “Thank you so much, Professor,” she said, pulling out her handkerchief and dabbing the tears from her eyes and her cheeks. “You have _no _idea how much this means to me.”

“You’re welcome.” Byleth replied. “Don’t be late, and especially don’t forget; I do not like wasting my free time.”

Edelgard sat up straighter. “I swear on my family’s good name, I will be there, ready to produce a piece befitting my true skill and capabilities!”

Byleth nodded. “Is there anything else you wished to discuss, Edelgard?”

Edelgard shook her head. “No, that was all, Professor, thank you.”

“Then you may leave now.” Byleth said, gesturing to the door. “Do you want me to see you to the door?”

“I’ll see myself out, Professor, I’ve taken enough of your precious time already,” Edelgard said as she stood up.

She maintained a steady, calm gait as she walked to the door, but as soon as she shut it behind her, she was jumping, skipping, and trying her damndest not to squeal and cry out in joy, though her cheeks now hurt from how widely she was grinning.

She had barely dodged a bullet—nay, a guided missile—but thankfully, her Forgotten Years would remain that way yet.

* * *

The next day in the Student Council office, Edelgard apologized for the suddenness of her absence, thanked Dimitri and the others for picking up the slack, before announcing that her Saturday afternoon would be unavailable, and nonnegotiably so. Dimitri badgered her about it, Claude tried to wile the details from her, and Hubert politely demanded he be told _everything_, but Edelgard kept vague about it.

“I know I am President, and all my actions are being closely watched by the student body, the staff, and the public at large, but aside from that, I am _still _a teenage girl, and I deserve _some _level of privacy with my affairs—especially from the opposite sex.” Edelgard said, glaring at each of them in turn.

Thankfully, that shut them up.

Still, she needed to tell _someone_, and that turned out to be Dorothea. She giggled after Edelgard finished recounting the story, save a handful of _important _omissions. “And here you were so hellbent on getting her transferred to another class,” Dorothea teased, before she took a sip of her tea.

Edelgard sighed. “I know, I know… but in my defense, Dorothea, I’m only human, and Professor Byleth keeps revealing herself to be full of mysteries and surprises still,” she said, before she took a bite out of a sweet cake.

Dorothea nodded. “Speaking of surprises, Edie, I never pegged you for the type to do something like _this_,” she said, grinning mischievously.

Edelgard paused, chewed through her mouthful, and asked, “Do something like what, Dorothea?”

Dorothea chuckled. “Friendly advice from a theater kid: your coy act needs work.”

Edelgard put down her cake, and said, “Dorothea. I’m serious: _what _are you talking about?” she asked, an unpleasant feeling building in her gut again.

Dorothea paused in the middle of sipping her tea. She put her cup back on its saucer, peered intensely at Edelgard, before she leaned back, wide-eyed. “You _seriously _didn’t realize that Professor Byleth asked you out on a date, and you accepted?”

Edelgard blinked. “I—what…?”

“Edie.” Dorothea said, letting go of her cup and reaching out to touch Edelgard’s arm. “Professor Byleth could have simply asked you to meet up back at the art room, not at the lake, like most teachers would, _and _she mentioned wanting to draw your portrait again, too, allegedly because she wants to make a better one.

“I would bet _anything _that the moment you show up, there’s a blanket set out with tea and snacks for two alongside her art supplies, for _well_ after you’ve both put the sketchbooks and pencils away.”

Edelgard blinked. “Oh.”

Oh no.

Oh _Goddess _no.


End file.
